Here is my attempt to voice my own state of being this morning as we face lockdown 6. Sigh. Perhaps this will resonate for you?
Every time another announcement is made the more my sense of efficacy, choice, freedom is impinged, stripped and impacted.
I am feeling deflated. Yet more long-awaited plans have been cancelled. Hopes of connecting with loved ones robbed. Like many others I feel helpless, powerless & numb.
We are experiencing a form of grief, compounding grief. Loss of freedoms, autonomy, hope. Disappointment, discouragement and sense of despondency seem to be my ever-increasing companions as events of the past 18mths continue to rob me of the life I want to be living.
At the same time…I am grateful. Thankful for a home, loved ones I do share life with (despite occasional household tensions), thankful for a job I enjoy, cognizant of those who have lost jobs and income, thankful for tools to work on projects at home, thankful for tools & strategies to manage my own mental-emotional wellbeing and continue to support clients.
Yet the dominant, ever-increasing and accumulating sense is that of fatigue. I know how to rebuild after losing everything; to recover after a burnout. I know what it is to face an impregnable wall of uncertainty. I know about resilience.
Yet my diminished capacity stems from feeling deflated. Resilience requires rest & recharge. And the very things that I need more than ever to recharge I cannot do. So I make do with other things. Making do isn’t thriving, it is surviving.
Sometimes surviving is everything we can do.
I remind myself of taking charge of what’s in my sphere of influence AND at the same time to acknowledge my own sense of fatigue. Like you I too am over it. Like you, I too, will get through this. We, will get through this, together.
Let us be courageous in caring, for ourselves, for those closest to us, and those we come in contact with.
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